Four Years Later...

Evelyn pulled back, wiping her eyes hastily. "James, please..." she implored, reaching up and holding his face in her hands. His skin felt oddly cold, and Evelyn swallowed a panicked gulp. "I'll die..." she admitted softly. The one thing she'd hated saying. But he had to know what this meant to her.

"Don't...die... Ev." He whispered feeling himself fade away slowly.

Evelyn felt her heart pain inside her. A flood of emotion rushed throguh her: anger. Whenever she was this upset, she didn;t know how to deal with it, so she channelled it in anger. "Don't make me die, James," she snapped angrily, feeling more tears run down her cheeks. A wave of helpless fury rolled over her and she leaned closer, pressing her lips to James' for what she figured was probably their last time, and she put all her helplessness into it, all her despair, horror, grief and loving longing, giving it more meaning than any before. If he had to leave, he'd remember her if it was the last thing she ever did.

It probably would be the last thing she ever did if he left, she decided.

James kissed Evelyn back, he could feel the faint spark within him burning as he kissed her, it was his thoughts that broke him from this moment, he pulled his lips away from her's and looked up to Evelyn.

All these thoughts, emotions; all of the unsaid things he wanted to say to her came spilling out of her mouth, "You kiss me now expecting me to forgive you? Thinking that now you're confessing your feelings for me while I die, when I spilled my heart to you almost every single day I've known you and now I'm supposed to lay here and forgive you through all the torement, and heartbreak you put me through?"

His voice weak, and he could hear it tremble, "And what if-f I d-do get better? Then what will happen? You'll leave me again, while I go to New York and you're off in London, or Flordia or god knows where? Is it worth it Ev? Do you feel good torturing me? Because..." James winced again, he began to feel even weaker.

His world in some kind of haze, focusing in and out of reality as he looked to Evelyn, "Because..." He found himself gasping for his breath now but he needed to say it he wanted to, "Because you played my heart like an insturment and the reality of it all was, that I was never a player to you. You..." He released a small gasp his eyes drooping down he became exhausted now.

"You...played...me." His eyes fluttered shut.

[[Okay, letting the real Ev through here o__o]]

Evelyn didn't move when James finished, even as he fell silent. She sat there silently, hearing his words in her mind.

Torment she put him through . . .

Evelyn felt her hands tremble in her lap. He'd poured his heart out, yes.

He'd never really listened to mine, then . . .

Evelyn glanced down at James, who'd fallen silent. Her eyes had dried up now, and she simply felt cold inside.

Leaning over, she grabbed a notepad by the bedside and a cheap hospital pen, and rested them in her lap as she wrote, speaking aloud.

"James,

Did you ever wonder why I pushed you away? Why I supposedly hurt you? I told you I was scared. I thought you understood.

This recent fight...Leon was making me move. He didn't want me hanging around you. I didn't want to tell you that. I lied so you wouldn't blame someone else for it, and so I could ensure you never tried to stop me. I was sick of this. We were never meant to be.

I don't know you anymore. I doubt I did in a long while." Evelyn paused, feeling something crush her insides.

"I was hoping you'd understand what I meant when I said I had to get away. You didn't. If you'd asked, I would've gone to NY with you. You never did. So I did as Leon asked because I didn't want to force you into taking me.

I don't say things out loud, James. My silence speaks out for my words. I find it hard to speak emotion. I'm an action-taker. I was hoping you'd understand.

You made your fair share of mistakes, yet most of the incidents happened to me, and I was unable to help them. Driving you away was the only way I could see...you're lucky you weren't around in Seattle. Life wasn't a lot of fun there.

You find it hard to forgive me for pushing you away. I found it hard to do it. But I did it, because it was unfair to both of us. We were virtually strangers. I wasn't about to rope you into this.

Again, I was insecure. I thought you'd understand. I guess it was a bit hard to do it across the world. You weren't there when my aunt contracted cancer, or when Ryan's dad nearly sued my uncle broke this year. I didn't tell you because there was no point by the time you got here. I was over it, had suffered alone.

It wasn't working. Not for me, and it wouldn't have worked for you once you realized just what a mess I really was.

And one thing I'd never do was admit that I'm not the hard shell everyone assumes I am.

I don't know if you'll ever read this, but it's all I've got for now.

I'd say I love you, but it wouldn't be me. I've never said it much. Know why? Because it hurts thinking about taking it back.

And so I don't use it unless I'm sure I won't regret it.

That said, I love you, James. And for what it's worth, I regret everything I put you through.

xx Evie xx " She felt a faint smile at that.

Evelyn left the note inside his shirt pocket of the hospital outfit he wore, and walked out of the hospital, past Haley and her mother, and Luke and Ashlee walking in, heading to a certain part of the park.

The pond was just as majestic in the sunshine as it had been that fateful day. Evelyn dropped down beside the bank, rested her head on her knees, and let the tears of anger and frustration flow.

Haley decided to go see James again a bit after she had calmed down, she walked back into his room and she saw him resting. She looked around his room a few times and looked down at James noticing the wedge of paper in his shirt pocket, she arched an eyebrow remembering when she had seen him earlier that it had not been there.

She reached over and picked it out of his pocket gently as not to wake him, she unfolded it and read the note's contents her eyes wideneing as she did, "Oh my god..." She released a faint whisper.

Haley folded the note and slid it into her back pocket and walked back out into the waiting room towards Luke and pulled him aside, "Luke look this is from Ev." Haley took out the note and handed it to Luke.

Luke frowned and glanced at the signature at the bottom. "Um, Haley, I'm hoping you didn't read it then. Bit of a breach of privacy. Go put it back, I'd say." He frowned some more. "Um, Ev left..."